ChatterBank6 mins ago
When I was a about 10 years old my Mum said to me " Why don't you grow up Stupid"
So I did. ___ I asked a carpet fitter to do a runner for me.
I paid him up front and that's the last I saw of him. ___ I... ...
So I did. ___ I asked a carpet fitter to do a runner for me.
I paid him up front and that's the last I saw of him. ___ I... ...
This chap came up to me and offered Wembley Stadium, Wembley Arena and Wembley Conference Centre.
I thought, he's trying to give me a complex. ___ I find it really difficult to separate fact from... ...
I thought, he's trying to give me a complex. ___ I find it really difficult to separate fact from... ...
The dance floor suddenly went quiet down at the care home when Doris shouted to old Fred, "NO...NO...I SAID I'VE GOT ACUTE ANGINA!"
Why does England not have a kidney bank?. Because it has a liverpool. - Which days of the week are best for work?. Saturdays and Sundays, the rest are weak days. - What do you call a soldier... ...
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went: "Hello sir, how are you today?" "I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to... ...
Yesterday I went to the wedding of a couple of young stable hands.
Made a lovely bridle and groom. ___ Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin both knew how to leave audiences speechless.
I guess great... ...
Made a lovely bridle and groom. ___ Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin both knew how to leave audiences speechless.
I guess great... ...
A couple take in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but if she wanted to she could use a tin bath in... ...
When the missus saw me getting my golfing gear ready, she said, "Not golf again? You played all day yesterday" I said yeah, but we are doing the second hole today!
I just took a peek out of the kitchen window, and I saw a magpie prancing around on the lawn with a large chip, lengthways in it beak. I thought to myself, toucan play at this game!
Paddy and a monkey are shot into space both with envelopes to open with instructions inside.
The monkey opens his envelope first,
It says: Micky check all seals on hatches, make sure the oxygen... ...
The monkey opens his envelope first,
It says: Micky check all seals on hatches, make sure the oxygen... ...
Dear Employees: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues. Due to complaints... ...
A flying saucer landed at a petrol station on a lonely country road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" emblazoned in big, bold... ...
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" emblazoned in big, bold... ...
I used to date a girl with a wooden leg, But I had to Break it off. ___ I can only sleep on stacks of old magazines.
I've got back issues. ___ Just received an email on how to read maps backwards.Its... ...
I've got back issues. ___ Just received an email on how to read maps backwards.Its... ...
I was in the supermarket yesterday and as I was leaving, spotted a rather handsome looking assistant. "Do you carry shopping to a customers car free of charge?" I asked him. "Yes, madam" he replied... ...
A man made an appointment with his doctor after he kept seeing cream cakes floating about in the corners of his eyes. Dr said not to worry its just your profiterole vision.
An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own mobile phone and took it with him to play golf.
The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
The boss called and asked how everything was... ...
I've got a friend who can only count up to three, but he still got a job.
He puts the crisps into Walkers crisp packets. ___ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest,... ...
He puts the crisps into Walkers crisp packets. ___ A lady dropped her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. An honest,... ...
A couple, Dave and Mabel, were staying at the Grand Hotel Llandudno -- fourth floor.
Dave calls the Hotel Manager "Come up quick. we've been arguing and Mabel wants to throw herself out of the... ...
Dave calls the Hotel Manager "Come up quick. we've been arguing and Mabel wants to throw herself out of the... ...
1st guy " I call my wife strwberry ". 2nd guy " why do you call her that "?. " because she's perfectly formed, gorgeous and is so sweet" 2nd guy " I call my wife blueberry " 1st guy "and why do you... ...
I was talking to a girl in a pub the other night and I said "You remind me of my little toe!"
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging... ...
She said "Is that because I’m small and cute?" I replied "No, it's because I’ll probably end up banging... ...
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