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Rondy

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Rondy

Honeymooners

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been...
15:51 Tue 15th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 19:00 Tue 15th Dec 2020
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The Burglar

A burglar alarm sent out its piercing wail in the dark of night in Liverpool and the police arrived just in time to collar the burglar as he was leaving the premises with a big bag full of loot. Soon,...
12:39 Tue 15th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 19:04 Tue 15th Dec 2020
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Packed Bags

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, 'I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.' He turned around and said, "Oh, so, you...
19:50 Mon 14th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 20:30 Tue 15th Dec 2020
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Mother

A man answers the phone and has the following conversation: "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult...I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard. Well, you know how she...
16:44 Mon 14th Dec 2020
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My Nephew

My little Spanish nephew can’t even say please yet...that’s poor for four! _________________ Did you hear about the Spanish-speaking magician? He said “for my next trick, I will disappear on the count...
13:33 Sat 12th Dec 20204 answers, last by Patsy33 13:40 Sat 12th Dec 2020
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Drink Driving??

"Been drinking sir?" the policeman asked. "I had 1 earlier, that was it," I replied. "I think you've had more than 1 sir. Would you step out of the van please." "Why?" I asked. "Because the Postman...
13:37 Fri 11th Dec 20206 answers, last by Patsy33 14:52 Fri 11th Dec 2020
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In Church

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, “Mum, I’ve decided to become a priest when I grow up.” “That’s OK with us,” she said, “but what made you decide...
20:16 Thu 10th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 20:20 Thu 10th Dec 2020
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The Memory Man

Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of...
12:38 Thu 10th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 19:37 Thu 10th Dec 2020
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Car Insurance

Just renewed my car insurance over the phone, and as I was about to hang up the lass on the other end asked if I had a pet. I said, "I've got a dog." She said, "Would you like to insure him too?" I...
19:47 Wed 09th Dec 20203 answers, last by Hopkirk 00:29 Thu 10th Dec 2020
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Crossing

I spent half an hour trying to cross a busy road today. A passer by said, "There's a zebra crossing fifty yards up the road." I said, "I hope he's having better bloody luck than me!"...
19:46 Wed 09th Dec 20203 answers, last by Chipchopper 11:35 Thu 10th Dec 2020
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There's More

My torch broke so I took it to a repair shop run by four German brothers, all called Hans... Many Hans make light work! __________________ The barman said to me, "Why are you looking so sad?" I said,...
17:22 Wed 09th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 17:25 Wed 09th Dec 2020
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Sign Language

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man...
16:46 Wed 09th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 19:19 Wed 09th Dec 2020
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Successful Operation

A man lost both his ears in an accident. However, the surgeon was able to perform a groundbreaking operation grafting two pigs ears in their place. A hospital spokesperson reported the operation was a...
19:39 Mon 07th Dec 20204 answers, last by Chipchopper 17:55 Tue 08th Dec 2020
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Another Check Up

During my check up I asked my doctor 'Do you think I will live a long and healthy life then?' He replied 'I doubt it somehow - Mercury is in Uranus right now'. I said 'I don't believe in any of that...
19:35 Mon 07th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 20:04 Mon 07th Dec 2020
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Check Up

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, ''I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.'' ''In that case doctor,'' said the patient, ''I'll...
15:51 Mon 07th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 20:01 Mon 07th Dec 2020
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Shopping At Morrisons

Doing my weekly shop in morrisons today. I was horrified to find they had no toilet paper at all. Reluctantly I headed for the checkout and asked if they had any. A firm NO was the answer. I felt so...
13:20 Sun 06th Dec 20206 answers, last by Old_Geezer 09:48 Mon 07th Dec 2020
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Wanted

A man is visiting a dating agency. Man 'What I'm looking for is an unattractive woman in late middle age but looking a lot older. I'd like her to be harsh tongued, needlessly aggressive and with a...
09:28 Sun 06th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 09:30 Sun 06th Dec 2020
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Car Showroom

I walked into a car showroom last night and I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in your shop window." He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in our...
17:20 Sat 05th Dec 20209 answers, last by waterboatman 08:43 Sun 06th Dec 2020
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Thieves

A thief has removed all the motorway signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently looking for Leeds! _______________ My wife has just left me due to my love of horse racing... She's at the gate... and...
13:17 Sat 05th Dec 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 15:25 Sat 05th Dec 2020
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A Sneeze

A girl sneezed in the pub & her glass eye flew out & landed in my hand. I took it back to her & we got chatting. After a few beers I took her home & did the bizz. When we'd finished I asked her, "Do...
18:16 Tue 01st Dec 20202 answers, last by Hopkirk 01:41 Thu 03rd Dec 2020

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