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Rondy

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Rondy

Late In The Pub

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night. "I've cooked dinner," she screamed. "And if you’re not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog." "Woooah! That's bang out of...
10:56 Tue 01st Dec 20203 answers, last by Patsy33 16:48 Tue 01st Dec 2020
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Rondy

Fatal Accident

Police officer: "I'm sorry sir, but your wife has been involved in a fatal car accident and we'd like you to come with us so you can identify the body." Husband: "I'm a bit busy right now. Can't you...
10:37 Sun 29th Nov 20206 answers, last by Theland 19:32 Sun 29th Nov 2020
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Rondy

I Was Embarrassed

My wife stormed into the pub and threw a plate of beans on toast in front of me. "There's your f....ing dinner," she screamed. "You spend so much time in here you may as well eat in here as well!"...
19:14 Sat 28th Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 15:41 Sun 29th Nov 2020
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Rondy

More Covid

I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers... The Times are rough! ---------------------------------------------- Argentina is surprisingly cold... In fact it's bordering on Chile!...
19:08 Sat 28th Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 15:21 Sun 29th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Going Fishing

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman...
16:59 Thu 26th Nov 20201 answer, last by Patsy33 19:45 Thu 26th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Ancestry

My girlfriend says I don't satisfy her anymore... Probably because I'm a man, not a cake shop! ____________________ I was shocked at price of those Ancestry DNA kits, so rather than spend £150, I just...
18:18 Wed 25th Nov 20202 answers, last by Canary42 21:44 Fri 27th Nov 2020
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Rondy

School Report

The School teacher sent home a note with her student. The note reads, ”Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends far too much time talking to girls.” Mother sends a note back the...
18:53 Tue 24th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Just Realised

On average, any American man will have sex two to three times a week, where as a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese....
13:52 Tue 24th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Lion On The Loose

A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him. He stopped one of the runners and asked: "What's happening?" The runner replied breathlessly: "A lion has escaped...
18:16 Mon 23rd Nov 20201 answer, last by windywillow 18:21 Mon 23rd Nov 2020
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Rondy

The Paint Can

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went....
18:11 Mon 23rd Nov 20203 answers, last by windywillow 18:20 Mon 23rd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Famous Quotes

Famous Mothers Quotes MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?" COLUMBUS MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you...
09:42 Sun 22nd Nov 20206 answers, last by Bazile 12:12 Sun 22nd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Power Cut

During a recent power outage my PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPAD, and a new surround sound system were all shut down. Also, my mobile phone battery was dead. To make matters worse it was raining and I...
09:33 Sun 22nd Nov 2020
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Rondy

Rio Olympics

Three guys are trying to sneak into the Olympic Village in Rio to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let's watch the registration table to see if there's a crack in the security system...
18:39 Sat 21st Nov 20202 answers, last by agchristie 22:30 Sat 21st Nov 2020
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Rondy

During Lock Down

The Olympic torch has more chance of going out this winter than me. _______________ If the Rovers, Queen Vic and the Woolpack are open for business tonight I'm kicking off! _______________ Greta...
19:47 Fri 20th Nov 20202 answers, last by tamborine 15:36 Sat 21st Nov 2020
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Rondy

Taking My Son Out For A Drink

An Irishman's first drink with his son: While reading an article last night about fathers and the sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took me son out for his first pint. Off we went to our...
18:45 Thu 19th Nov 20207 answers, last by Patsy33 18:46 Sat 21st Nov 2020
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Rondy

Attractive Neighbours

My lesbian neighbours recently asked me to help them conceive a child. They said they didn't mind doing it the old fashioned way as they were both very liberal minded. Anyway, they're both very...
18:11 Wed 18th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Separate Beds

My wife thinks we should sleep in separate beds. Great idea... I've chosen Karen's, at number 23!...
17:36 Wed 18th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Fishing

Two fishermen are fishing off a bank dangling their legs in the water. A shark swims up and bites one of the men's leg off. "Oh no," shouts the man. "A shark's bitten my leg off." "Which one?" his pal...
14:22 Wed 18th Nov 20202 answers, last by jno 16:18 Wed 18th Nov 2020
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Rondy

Tight Jeans

I don't know about you but the buttons on my jeans have started social distancing from each other! _____________________ I went to the chemist today, I said ' do you know what best kills the virus ?'...
13:08 Wed 18th Nov 20205 answers, last by Patsy33 16:12 Wed 18th Nov 2020

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